In a few days I leave the United States again, this time for five months, possibly longer.
There is something exhilarating about those last two words, and something terrifying.
I consider myself very fortunate to be in the position where I can move to another country, travel, explore and otherwise adventure, and then choose to either return to the comfort of my home or else stay and see where my path leads me. I recognize that this is a luxury not afforded to many and that I should take advantage of it. Endless possibilities await me, hence the exhilaration.
However, when I'm not distracted by packing or cleaning or lesson planning, I have a vague feeling of unease that sits in the bottom of my stomach and threatens to make me very ill should I choose to examine it too closely.
I will be leaving behind my family, my friends, the comforts of my home and the life I have built for myself here. I will be in a country that, despite having several connections to through my heritage, is still quite foreign to me. I won't have my phone, to which I have an unbecoming attachment, and I won't have my car, to which I have developed some bizarre and equally unseemly relationship with, given the fact that it is an inanimate object. Lately I have been thinking that I will be quite alone. Hence the feeling of terror.
There are days when I ask myself why I don't just settle down here, get a job and a husband (as so many of my peers seem to be doing) and go on living my life. Usually this question only lingers for a few moments before I go back to whatever I was doing. Because the reality is that I would be completely unhappy with myself. I know that at 25 I still have a lot of growing up to do. I still have a lot to learn and I've always found that the best way to learn is to stray away from what makes you comfortable.
I think back to this time, four years ago, when I was preparing to leave for Morocco on a semester abroad. I had similar feelings which dissipated almost as soon as I set foot on the ground in my new home, because it did become a new home for me. I was surrounded by caring and thoughtful people that not only made me feel welcome but taught me how to appreciate life in a new way. Often when I'm feeling sorry for myself I think back to them and am humbled.
I'm sure that my experience in Armenia (did I mention that's where I'm going?) will be equally as rewarding and enriching, if not more. There is a lot of history mixed up in the whirlwind of emotions I feel when I think of Armenia. I would like to think of it as some sort of homeland to which I am returning but the distance and generations between me and what is today Armenia are vast and complicated. It isn't quite the land my family fled 100 years ago.
These are just my pre-departure ramblings and I will do my best to keep a regular and accurate blog of my experiences. This is also my opportunity to do a little shameless self promotion and ask you, readers, to contribute to my GoFundMe account (http://www.gofundme.com/nvf1v8) to help fund my travels. Thank you so much to those of you who have already contributed and to those of you who bother to read all of this. Check in again soon!
There is something exhilarating about those last two words, and something terrifying.
I consider myself very fortunate to be in the position where I can move to another country, travel, explore and otherwise adventure, and then choose to either return to the comfort of my home or else stay and see where my path leads me. I recognize that this is a luxury not afforded to many and that I should take advantage of it. Endless possibilities await me, hence the exhilaration.
However, when I'm not distracted by packing or cleaning or lesson planning, I have a vague feeling of unease that sits in the bottom of my stomach and threatens to make me very ill should I choose to examine it too closely.
I will be leaving behind my family, my friends, the comforts of my home and the life I have built for myself here. I will be in a country that, despite having several connections to through my heritage, is still quite foreign to me. I won't have my phone, to which I have an unbecoming attachment, and I won't have my car, to which I have developed some bizarre and equally unseemly relationship with, given the fact that it is an inanimate object. Lately I have been thinking that I will be quite alone. Hence the feeling of terror.
There are days when I ask myself why I don't just settle down here, get a job and a husband (as so many of my peers seem to be doing) and go on living my life. Usually this question only lingers for a few moments before I go back to whatever I was doing. Because the reality is that I would be completely unhappy with myself. I know that at 25 I still have a lot of growing up to do. I still have a lot to learn and I've always found that the best way to learn is to stray away from what makes you comfortable.
I think back to this time, four years ago, when I was preparing to leave for Morocco on a semester abroad. I had similar feelings which dissipated almost as soon as I set foot on the ground in my new home, because it did become a new home for me. I was surrounded by caring and thoughtful people that not only made me feel welcome but taught me how to appreciate life in a new way. Often when I'm feeling sorry for myself I think back to them and am humbled.
I'm sure that my experience in Armenia (did I mention that's where I'm going?) will be equally as rewarding and enriching, if not more. There is a lot of history mixed up in the whirlwind of emotions I feel when I think of Armenia. I would like to think of it as some sort of homeland to which I am returning but the distance and generations between me and what is today Armenia are vast and complicated. It isn't quite the land my family fled 100 years ago.
These are just my pre-departure ramblings and I will do my best to keep a regular and accurate blog of my experiences. This is also my opportunity to do a little shameless self promotion and ask you, readers, to contribute to my GoFundMe account (http://www.gofundme.com/nvf1v8) to help fund my travels. Thank you so much to those of you who have already contributed and to those of you who bother to read all of this. Check in again soon!
You're going to have an amazing time :D (but I'd be super nervous, too!!) Just subscribed & I'm looking forward to reading future posts, if you're not too busy!
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